


It's history now

by forabeatofadrum (maanorchidee)



Category: History is All You Left Me - Adam Silvera
Genre: Character Death Fix, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 09:38:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maanorchidee/pseuds/forabeatofadrum
Summary: Theo has a voicemail. It’s Griffin asking him to call. So he does.Or, the AU where Theo doesn’t drown.





	It's history now

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, History Is All You Left Me is a gift. And honestly, I couldn’t help but ask the “what if” question. So here we go.

Okay Griff, I’m going to do this. 

Jackson is not really happy that I blew him off to talk to you, but can you blame me? You sounded really serious in your voice mail. Yes, it sucks that I might end up in a fight with Jackson, and it sucks that I ended a great beach day on an awkward note, but I’m going to call you.

I’m back in my dorm, still wearing my swimwear, and I press “call”.

The first time, you don’t pick up.

The second time, you do. I’m not surprised. It’s an even number.

_“Hey Theo,”_  you say. You sound nervous, but I pretend I didn’t hear that.

“Hey Griff, I got your voice mail. What’s up?” There. Casual, right? I don’t understand why I am feeling nervous as well. You are Griffin Jennings, my best friend. I’ve known you for years.

_“I need to talk to you, because you’re kinda involved, but you’re also not, and it’s more about Wade-”_

“Wade? Is something wrong with Wade?” I frown. 

I haven’t spoken to Wade in a while. Sometimes I do think about reaching out to him again, because I wasn’t lying to Jackson when I said I miss our friendship, but does Wade want that?

_“No, nothing is wrong.”_

“Then, did something happen between you two?” I want to know, Griff. Sure, ever since I moved to Santa Monica, it’s been more complicated. We’re ex-boyfriends. Wade and I are ex-best friends. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you guys any longer.

_“No- I mean, yes. I guess something did happen between the two of us, but it’s good,”_  you say, and your nervousness is making me uncomfortable. If it’s good, then why are you like this?

“You know you can tell me everything,” I say. 

I hope you understand that I mean it. Jackson might want us to stop talking, but I refuse. I love him, but he does not get to decide for me.

_“Wade and I, we’ve been hooking up,”_  you say and suddenly, you’re crying,  _“We’ve been hooking up and I think it’s turning into more.”_

And now you’re really crying.

I don’t know what to say, to be honest. 

I never expected you to move on. I wanted you to move on, for your sake, but now, I feel numb. I don’t know when my tears started streaming down my face.

_“Please, say something,”_  you say.

“I…” I take a deep breath, “Do you want to give it a shot? The two of you.”

_“Yes,”_ you confess.

“Then, I’m happy for you,” I say and I wipe away my tears. I truly am happy for you, Griff, don’t get me wrong. 

_“So am I.”_

“Then why are you crying?” I ask. But then I wonder: why am I crying?

_“Because… Because this feels so final. I never wanted to fall in love with him, Theo. I wanted to still love you. I wanted to wait till it was time for our endgame, but now, I don’t know anymore. This feels like saying goodbye to something that I hold so dear to me.”_

I remain silent and I listen to you crying.

I guess I feel the same, Griff. Our love was genuine, and I never wanted to fall for Jackson either, but I did. But I don’t think I ever truly moved on from our love. I am not breaking up with Jackson, and I wasn’t planning on doing that, but I think a part of me was also still waiting for our endgame, as if Jackson were a midgame only.

He doesn’t know that. You don’t know that. It’s not fair to the both of you.

Maybe, now it is time to move on as well. We can move on together. I’ll finally give Jackson all of my love, which is what he deserves, and you will be with Wade.

Suddenly, I feel lighter.

“Then I guess this is goodbye,” I say and burst into another round of tears. But it’s different this time. It’s almost as if I’m crying from relief. 

It is time for us to move on.

It is time for me to choose Jackson.

_“No!”_ you yell.

“Griff, this is goodbye to our love. Not to you,” I say, “I will never say goodbye to you, okay? I will never do that. You are my best friend.”

_“And you are mine,”_ your voice breaks.

I take a deep breath. “Goodbye, Griffin Jennings’s love. It’s been a pleasure to have you. Thanks for everything you’ve done.”

_“Goodbye,”_ you say weakly, _“Goodbye Theo McIntyre’s love. I will never forget you.”_

It is weird. We both know that, but it also feels right. We talk some more. We cry some more. Then, you tell me it’s time to go and tell Wade that you’re willing to give it a shot.

“Griff,” I say, before you can hang up.

_“Hm?”_

“He’s lucky. Wade is lucky to have you, man.”

_“Thanks,”_  you say, and I imagine you smiling. Then you joke:  _“Maybe if this works out, the four of us can double date.”_

We laugh. I can’t believe this is happening. Griff, you are cracking jokes. I am still crying a little bit. It is hope, I tell myself.

“We should.”

The phone call ends, and I sit in my dorm room, processing what just happened. We said goodbye to our love, Griff. Or is it Griffin now. Then again, I called you Griff before we started dating.

But you’ve moved on, Griff.

And I don’t know what I’m feeling. Yes, relief for sure. I was afraid you’d be stuck in this dream of our endgame for too long. I was afraid of what it’d do to you and your ever growing self-destructive tendencies. So I am relieved and happy that you have found a reason to move on. 

But I am also feeling a pang of sadness. I know this might make me look like a horrible person, Griff, but it was nice to know that you were still in love with me. I’ve gotten so used to your love, it’s almost a part of me. Don’t get me wrong, Griff, I love Jackson very much, but it was nice to know that if we were ever to break up, that your love would still be there.

Who am I without your love?

Just Theo, I guess. 

I keep telling myself this is a good thing. Finally, I can move on as well. This thing that I’m still feeling for you is not fair to Jackson, Griff. 

Wow, I do feel lighter.

And empty.

Is it possible to feel a positive and a negative emotion at the same time? I guess it is, Griff. You put me in this position.

Yet, I am still crying. And I am still crying when I hear a knock on my door.

“Come in,” I say and I try to dry my tears, but this attempt is as useless as the previous ones.

The door slowly opens and Jackson peeks inside. “Theo?” he asks, looking a bit worried.

He doesn’t seem mad anymore. I wonder how he really feels about you, Griff. Maybe we can finally all get along. And through my tears, I smile.

Imagine that, dude. Finally, you and I can get along with Jackson. And if you actually start dating Wade, I should totally reconnect with him as well.

“Are you okay?” 

He’s still standing in the doorway. He looks a bit unsure.

But I get up and I basically throw myself on him. He seems a bit taken aback, but then he wraps his arms around me.

“He moved on,” I tell him.

“What?”

I don’t blame him for sounding so confused. You almost convinced me you’d never move on. But you actually did it, Griff.

“Yeah, next time we’re in New York, we are going on a double date,” I say and then I actually laugh. Us. On a double date. With you and Wade.

Wow, Griff, you never fail to surprise me.

“That’s great,” Jackson stills sounds a bit unsure, “How do you feel?”

“Amazing,” I tell him and I kiss him. The tension leaves his body. 

I feel amazing, Griff. I feel so amazing, knowing that you will be alright without me. I feel so amazing, now that I can finally give all my love to Jackson, which is what he deserves. I feel amazing.

At least, I think so.

**Author's Note:**

> Wooh. That is it folks. Just so you know, I’m not going to continue this because I don’t know how and well, the original exists and as painful as it is, it is wonderful.
> 
> Also, two days ago I read Adam Silvera’s other book They Both Die At The End. If you enjoyed this one, then I highly recommend that book.


End file.
